James' gone out with a friend from school to Macca's. He seemed really eager to go which I thought was weird since he has never really spoken about this friend, other then the odd story here and there. Meh. The only thing annoyed me was how in a rush he seemed to be to leave, within 10 minutes of getting a text even though we agreed to stay home, and he left me with Ryder crying and being fussy while I was trying to clean the bedroom.

I feel terrible that I haven't blogged in a while and the first thing I will be blogging about is a huge rant against James' mum, but I really need to get it off my chest.

Guess that's the least of my worries at the moment. Biggest issue is: HIS MOTHER. This may sound harsh, but meet the lady before you attack me! She was physically and mentally abusive to James and his little sister their whole life, and now that James' is out (he left at 16 and lived on the streets), his sister is left alone to fight the devil. Here's how it goes, James' mum hates James' and his sister purely on the fact because she doesn't like their dad. She treats them so bad, to the point where social services got involved and took his younger sister off his Mum a few years ago, shes living there again now, but that's only been for the past 8 months or so. Long story short, the mum is a complete bitch, has two new children with a new man - treats them like they are Gods gift and James and his sister like they are filth. Current drama? The mum is kicking James' sister out of home, she's 17 and about to do Year 11 exams, perfect timing. And reason? "Shelley (James' sister) is ruining my perfect home and family" aka pretty much saying that Shelley isn't part of her new family, now Shelley works her ass off, she works til 11-12 every night at a pizza shop, she looks after the motel her mum and step dad run, she goes to school and does a VET course two hours away. But apparently that isn't enough, she also gets herself everywhere and has to pay for everything herself. Last weekend was their aunt's 50th, their mum + step dad and their two children got to go but Shelley had to stay home and look after the motel, not by choice either, the mum forced it upon her.

Anyway, back to the issue. Shelley has no where to go. Their dad lives in China and his new wife is about to have a baby, she may even be in labour now. No one else is willing to or can look after Shelley - they all have their own families as well. And of course James wouldn't let Shelley go out on the street, yet I have a feeling the mum would, she let James didn't she? So it's up to me and James to find her somewhere to live, even with us. But moneys tight. We've got the car to pay off, insurance, phone bills, Ryder, food. Barely enough to support us three let alone another person. But after all, Shelley is in more trouble here than us, she's the one getting constant abuse, and at this age, yeah it's not good. She's 17 by the way. Maybe I'm just trying to play hero and think I can safe her and drag her away from such a life and James is the realist who knows we can't take on such a big thing. Either way I know I will do my best to make sure she's okay.

On a brighter note, I want to go back to school next year. I really want to finish Year 12 and head on over to uni. I'm still not completely sure on what I want to be, but I'm near on positive that it will be to do with children - teens. I've always wanted to be a Youth Worker, but at this point I'm not sure how I will deal with it. I'm really thinking about doing a course and eventually working for the kids helpline. I miss school so much, and I love Ryder to death, but I need some freedom, I feel as though I'm a bad mum because I don't have any intention or want to be a stay at home mum. I'm not that kind of person.

/Rant over.

Stay tuned for the next episode of Fiona's amazing dramatic life which she wishes wasn't dramatic at all!

(things that make me happy)
#1 the smell of talcum powder.

Had a really good day today. J, R and I went driving through Gembrook State Forest (Google map it, it's huge). It's so beautiful, I can't wait to get all the disposables developed. I took a few pictures with J's phone that turned out pretty good. Taking that drive today made me really appreciate where I live, the views, the serenity, the birds, nature. It's a completely different atmosphere to what it was like living in the city. No buses, trucks, cars, exhausts, horns, loud music. I would love to go out there again for a day and just really absorb it all. Even go out there and do some yoga or meditate, it's so peaceful.

J and I were talking, his friends used to go up there a lot to camp, wouldn't mind doing that for New Years as long as everything is planned and we are prepared R should be safe to come with us as well. He'll be just over 7 months old (his growing up so fast).

It's time for sleep. My SD Card reader is failing to work so no photos today. I will do a big reblogging later on! With photos and all.

Playing with my blog layout.

Off on a road trip to Stawell today with a few friends. Should be good. Will post when I get back!

Hey guys and girls,

This is me. I'm a twenty year old Mum to a 5 month old boy, RJ. I live with my fiance J, we're planning to elope next June. I reside in the hills in a blue stone cottage with my parents.